being single is expensive
but, settling is far too costly for me
I woke up sore.
Borderline unbearable pain.
The day before, I decided I was the Incredible Hulk and did 20 assisted pull-ups in perfect form right after running an 11-minute mile.
I don’t run. I don’t do pull-ups.
Toward the end of 2025, I’d been flirting with the idea of making quarterly wellness visits a thing in the new year: facials, massages, beauty appointments. I’m a pretty basic and simple girl. Outside of my expensive gym membership, books and movies, and dining, I don’t really spend my money on much else.
So what better time to finally look into a massage than when I could barely unfold my arm into a straight line? After scrolling through Reddit threads comparing prices, I thought, damn, if I had a boyfriend, I could get a massage for free.
And down I went, straight into the rabbit hole that is my own mind.
Because it was true. Fortunately, and unfortunately, most of my previous partners were really good at giving massages. One of my exes actually studied to be a masseuse and had his own table. My most recent learned the art of “karate chopping” my body after workouts to increase blood flow, break up knots, flush out lactic acid, etc. I may have been sore—borderline unbearable pain—but I had someone who would’ve helped me for free.
The deeper I spiraled, the more I started listing all the things I’d “save” on if I weren’t single and didn’t live alone.
Rent
Utilities
Groceries
Household stuff
Date nights
Home decor
Streaming services
Activities
Travel
You know, simple things. (Which are not simple at all when you have NYC bills and taxes. The kind that charges you $100 just for stepping outside your apartment door.)
The more I built out my list, the more I thoughtabout people I know with roommates. Or partners. Or parents still helping them out. People who can financially lean on someone else. I can’t lie — it felt a little soul-crushing to realize:
I’m really out here doing all of this by myself.
No roommate to split rent with. No parent to live with. No one to bail me out. No partner to go halfsies — not on a date, not on a bill, not on a vacation. Nobody but me.
Goddamn, being single is expensive.
The more painful part is that I don’t even know how I would let someone help me without feeling like a burden. All I’ve ever known is how to manage myself. My emotions, to stay controlled and poised in any high-stress situation; my thoughts, to avoid a scarcity mindset; my actions, to push myself out of victimhood.
There was never really room for me to fail.
I didn’t even feel allowed to get a B in school. So now, in adulthood, doing everything for myself and by myself feels… normal.
Still. Damn.
Being single is expensive.
After letting myself wallow in pity for a bit, because it’s good for the soul, I realized my apartment was silent. Correction: my two-bedroom, 887-square-foot apartment for a party of one was silent. Filled only with the sounds, smells, and light I choose to let in.
And that silence? That’s what I’ve been looking forward to more and more lately — especially after dates.
Earlier, I said I’d “save” on dates if I weren’t single, and that’s not entirely true. I’ve been going on dates. And I haven’t been paying for them.
Financially.
But I am paying in time. In physical energy. And most of all, in mental energy.
Coming home to silence has taught me something important: my time and energy might be more precious to me than any dollar amount. I like my brain cells. It feels like a waste to spend them on understimulating, uninspiring moments I don’t need to be in.
Because, again, I don’t have anyone but myself funding most of my life. Which means I don’t need a date to get what I want. So if I’m picking out an outfit, doing my hair, doing my makeup, commuting to dinner, and offering up my time and attention (?!), the bare minimum is mental stimulation.
You don’t have to worry about me using you. I don’t need you to eat dinner today, babes.
That’s what I wish I could tell men.
And yet, every time I end up on one of these free but uninspiring dates, I leave feeling like I’ve lost far more than if I had just split the bill during a “fine” date.
I lose time in my apartment — the one I pay for alone. I lose the taxi fare I called just to escape the energy-sucking vortex I wandered into. I lose doses of my energy from that day, and I can’t get it back. Sometimes, when the date is really bad, I even lose a few brain cells.
It costs me far too much to settle for a date, I’ve learned. So honestly, I’m almost always just going to choose to pay for the dinner. For myself, by myself.
I’d rather be an expensive single girl than someone who frivolously gives away her time and energy just to avoid being alone. Time is the one currency I don’t get refunded. Energy is the one thing I can’t earn back.
Being single is expensive. I still stand by that.
But, I’m worth far too much to spend my time or energy on something that doesn’t feed me beyond the plate that’s in front of me.
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P.S. the massage wasn’t the best I had, but it inspired this piece — so I wouldn’t say it was a complete waste of my money, time or energy.
Let’s Catch Up? 01.20.26
It’s been a minute; happy new year. I don’t know that I had any lofty goals for 2026 because I entered it pretty peacefully (stayed at home, getting my rent’s worth!). But, in addition to wanting to do more beauty rituals, I also aim to read 24 books this year; I’m already starting my fourth one, today. Follow me on Pagebound, if you’re looking for a fun, dynamic, less morally-conflicting platform than Goodreads.
I’ve been questioned by a few people about the restaurants on my 2026 hit list, and it made me realize how quickly we move on; how, we’re always looking for the next best thing or something to top an already great experience. Anyway, I’m still geeked over the 40 restaurants I shared from last year (can’t wait to revisit BONG at the end of the month).
I do, however, have a restaurant prediction for 2026: I think we’re going to see a lot more chef collaborations, pop-ups, guest shifts, etc. from the underdogs. Very excited to see what happens in NYC, this year.
I also look forward to maximizing my gym membership (Life Time) more this year. Maybe I’ll become a runner? Maybe a swimmer. Maybe I’ll just be better about using the spa amenities… Either way, we’re really locking in this year — and, I am allowed to bring up to 4 guests per month, wink wink.
I saw an article that questioned whether or not going to the movies was cool again (and if we have Gen Z to thank for that.) What I will say is: I am a proud AMC A-Lister and adore my membership. I go to the movies pretty much weekly and can see whatever I want, whenever I want. It’s the most cost-effective way for any cinephile to tap in. I 10/10 recommend; you can also follow me on Letterboxd if you’re into that.