when did people stop asking each other for their phone numbers?

I didn’t keep my “917” number since high school to not use it

Maybe I’ve been watching too much Sex and the City (I have; I’m on my 16th re-watch). Maybe I’m finally unplugging from the matrix (I hope).

But… when did people stop asking each other for their phone numbers?

Since social media became a strong form of social currency, it’s as though people forgot how to stay connected without their digital crutch. I’m noticing it more frequently since I’ve (one) put myself in more social settings and (two) don’t have Instagram.

The environment may be different, but the scenario plays out the same each time. Whether solo or with company, I chat with someone new, the conversation goes well, and then inevitably: “Do you have Instagram?” I respond no, and that’s pretty much where that social interaction ends.

Then, I move on with full awareness that I’ll probably never speak to this person again unless we somehow bump into each other, because people don’t actually want to connect. I think a part of me has known this for some time but refused to accept it. As a society, we’ve become more interested in a social hub than a real community. We want the sense of connection without the effort required to maintain it.

And I see it play out every time someone asks for my Instagram instead of my number. Having my number would require too much effort long after the initial conversation ends. Following me on Instagram, though, is equivalent to your partner getting you a gift card for your birthday or the holidays. There’s no effort, it’s low stakes and the only intention behind the act is to fulfill the duty that one feels is required of them in the moment.

Connecting with someone via phone (or, hello, even text!) would require remembering what was discussed in person to be able to call back to certain things in the conversation. There’s no social media platform to give you context clues about a person. That’s beyond needing intention; it requires a desire. A desire to actually get to know the person. A desire to maintain the connection even when there is no story bubble or notification to remind you of one’s existence.

It just feels like nobody wants that responsibility anymore.

The longer I am off of social media, the more I crave in-person connections, but the more I am in person, the less available people seem to me – because they’re tethered to the online version of themselves. In the off chance someone does ask for my number, I watch my digits fall into the data landfill, untouched.

There is no follow-up text with the courtesy, “it was great to meet you,” or future conversation that comes from it. It’s just that obligatory gift card to say, “we met in person.”

I sometimes wonder if the onus is on me to keep the conversation going. I am the one, after all, who is choosing not to be on social media. I am the one causing someone to go the extra mile to engage with me in a way that’s not as effortless or integrated in their daily routine. The easier solution for everyone would, of course, be to get back on Instagram. I just know I’m worth the effort it takes to maintain (or create) a connection. So I don’t. And I won’t.

I didn’t keep my “917” number since high school just to not use it.

Somebody better text me, goddammit.

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Let’s Catch Up? (06.28.26)

1. I recently got promoted to Account Director, which is a title I had been gunning for since I started working in PR over a decade ago. While it is exactly what I worked so hard for, it has been a learning curve. I keep reminding myself, “you have to be okay with having more.”

2. I think I’m ready to start dating again. I did recently exchange numbers with someone (and, yes, it went in the landfill), but I felt a new sense of inspiration to just talk to new people whenever I can, whether friendly or flirtatious. It’s also probably the whole 16th re-watch of SATC. I won’t be joining any apps (shocker), so am curious to see what happens IRL.

3. I’ve been reading “Good Material” by Dolly Alderton, which got some mixed reviews at my job’s book club. I realized I’ve been leaning more towards slow/mundane types of reads because they have been opening my eyes to certain patterns or experiences I have in my personal life. I’m enjoying this one thus far and am really proud that I have already finished 50% of my book goal this year (follow me on Pagebound).

4. Carrie Bradshaw used her stove/oven for clothing and shoe storage, and while I’m not that level of a fashion girl, I can say I have not been cooking. I’ve mentioned this before, but I am obsessed with Yellow Picnic, and my life has been significantly easier with it.

5. I’m in a really good place, mentally. Despite recurring family woes and an at times overwhelming work life, I’m still really happy with who I am at the end of every day. Whether someone is texting my phone or not.